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Sunday, May 19, 2013

Jocks fail to help freestyle

NOVEMBER 2006: A keen amateur swimmer in Perth has admitted to being disappointed at a lack of improvement in the pool after buying a pair of Ian Thorpe signature jocks.

“I must admit, I’ve had a gutful of celebrity underwear after this debacle,” Joel Kimderooney, 35, told thebladder.com.

“My times haven’t improved by more than a second or so per lap in two months of swimming since I bought Thorpey-branded underwear.

“I bought the fitted boxer shorts, with this really dodgy horizontal blue and bone stripe pattern, but I figured it was worth the fashion sacrifice to help my swimming.

“But no. After two months of wearing the jocks every day, not only has my love life suffered but my swimming is distinctly un-Thorpedo-ish.”

Klimderooney admitted he shouldn’t have been totally surprised by the lack of magical talent supplied by the signature on his underwear. “When I bought a Jeff Fenech speedball years ago, I completely failed to win the WA heavyweight title. Not to mention that I wore Kylie lingerie around for more than a year and I’m still a crap dancer,” he said.