Drafted rookie not happy to be going to Adelaide

NOVEMBER 2006: The AFL is a footballing world in shock today after a November recruit admitted being drafted by the Adelaide Crows was “the worst day” of his life.

Daniel Blaine, 17, of the Melbourne suburb of Glenroy, said he couldn’t believe it when his name was called as pick No.14.

“F***ing Adelaide,” he told The Bladder. “What the f*** am I supposed to do in Adelaide? I’m not into art. I’m not gay. I don’t drink wine. I don’t like churches. This is going to be absolute s***.”

Blaine added that he would seek to discover he maximum possible time he could delay having to trudge over the border to join his new teammates for pre-season training.

It was an emotional moment as, surrounded by proud club officials, Blaine pulled on the Crows guernsey for the first time and posed for photos, while saying: “These horizontal stripes on the Crows jumper make me look fat. Who wears dicky red, blue and yellow anyway, for Christ’s sake? Shame about my family and friends all being back in Glenroy. Shame about my new girlfriend and the fact I was just starting to get regular sex for the first time in my life. Shame about my mates. Shame about my dog.”

When introduced to senior coach Neil Craig, Blaine added; “How am I supposed to respect a coach who didn’t even play AFL football? And has two Christian names for a name. S***! And I hear that the tap water in Adelaide is undrinkable. I knew I should have tried to play Test cricket like they said I could at the Academy.”

When asked if he was feeling any jingly jangly nerves about the idea of becoming an AFL footballer, Blaine muttered: “Nervous? What, that one of Adelaide’s wealth of serial killers will sneak up behind me in the Crows car park?”

Club recruiting officer, David Torrens admitted, in hindsight, that the club should maybe have spoken to their new recruit before the draft.