AUGUST 2008: THE announcement of a new Mike Brady tune to celebrate the AFL finals has threatened Australia’s world standing, with NATO discussing trade sanctions and the Australian athletes shunned at the Beijing Olympics.
On Tuesday, NATO foreign ministers in Brussels condemned the AFL’s role in commissioning the Brady song as "disproportionate and inconsistent" with world opinion, especially with regard to Australia’s peacekeeping role and said the alliance could not carry on "business as usual" with the League or Canberra.
“This is the most hostile act to international relations by Australia since Angry Anderson and the Batmobile,” a NATO spokesman said. “Why do you think we even invented the fucking Geneva Convention? To stop shit like this destroying the planet.”
Despite pleas from Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and foreign affairs department executives, AFL marketing guru Tony-Kyle Ponytail confirmed to thebladder.com that the song would go ahead.
“Mike’s at the top of his game. He’s back, baby. He’s managing to find those old rhymes that he used to do so well, like ‘Me? I like football’.
“This one is finals based and he’s managed to rhyme ‘Hawks’ with ‘talks’, ‘Cats’ with ‘mats’ and ‘September’ with ‘dismember’. It’s really an old time Brady classic, but completely new.”
As news of the new Mike Brady song spread across the globe, Australian athletes found themselves increasingly ostracised in a hostile athlete’s village in Beijing.
“We were, like, partying hard, you know, cause we’ve earned it, man, and then suddenly all the other studs and babes from like other nations were just like, ‘Why don’t you just, like, go home, and listen to your Mike Brady song if you love him so much?’ It was, like, really hurtful and I might have to get a fake tattoo to remember the whole thing by,” said swimmer Cate Campbell.
Brady remains unrepentant and hasn’t ruled out writing a song in honour of the President’s Cup golf, despite fears that such a release could spell the end of the world.